notageek

I am laid up at home growing new bone in my left tibia after a car accident. Said accident was entirely my fault and due to my getting panicked in part due to being a new driver and not being habituated to certain cues. It was entirely avoidable, and I made a really dumb mistake.
And I really don’t want to talk about it, not because I got myself into it but because as soon as I explain what happened somebody new is going to tell me how implausible and indeed physically impossible is that which I tried to do in a panicked state, and what I should have done. I really, really do not want to hear it again. I figured it out the instant before the tire ran over both my legs and had started regretting it by the time it ran over my arm. After screaming and calling for help the first thing I gasped when people ran out of their cars to help me was “I’m so sorry!”
I was in the ER for eight hours; I had a trauma workup, three rounds of X-rays, a CAT scan and an examination by a flock of othopedics residents before my husband got there, and every single one of the people involved in those procedures got an explanation of what happened. While I was waiting to get hauled off for the third round of X-rays the paramedic team who brought me to the ER in the first place dropped through, patted me on the unscathed arm and pointed out how lucky I was. When I got home I called my preceptor, my supervisor, the district manager, my friends and my parents. I had a follow-up with my own doctor who referred me to an orthopedic surgeon, and I spent five hours in the hospital waiting for surgery and most of the next day figuring out how much pain medication I would need to be sent home with.
I have had plenty of time and opportunity to think the accident over, decide what I should have done and how what I tried to do was impossible and stupid. The fact that the retroactive advice is falling out of a new and different self-righteous and know-it-all mouth is not going to make the situation better or teach me any new lesson I haven’t thought of, which is why I have just started saying “I really don’t want to talk about it,” and making a pained face. Because I really, really don’t want to hear anybody else talk about it.